Schizmatic
"Eating For Two"
"Dude, I only hope you don’t have to have it delivered surgically. I’ve heard that some animals do it just walking around! And some people even use swimming pools! Get some exercise, butter-butt."
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/eating_for_two.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/673
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Eating For Two"

"Dude, I only hope you don’t have to have it delivered surgically. I’ve heard that some animals do it just walking around! And some people even use swimming pools! Get some exercise, butter-butt."

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/eating_for_two.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/673

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"eReaders #2"
Despite their unshakable 1980s vibe, fax machines are still probably the fastest way to send a printed document to someone. Though, by this time, you’d think they’d at least have advanced to sending thin-crust pizzas.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/ereaders_2.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/672
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"eReaders #2"

Despite their unshakable 1980s vibe, fax machines are still probably the fastest way to send a printed document to someone. Though, by this time, you’d think they’d at least have advanced to sending thin-crust pizzas.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/ereaders_2.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/672

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Mutha Of Invention #2"
I love credit card offers that basically say you’re pre-approved to be subject to approval. I always promptly respond — that they should shove their offer in one end so far that they can then shove it back in the other.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/mutha_of_invention_2.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/671
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Mutha Of Invention #2"

I love credit card offers that basically say you’re pre-approved to be subject to approval. I always promptly respond — that they should shove their offer in one end so far that they can then shove it back in the other.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/mutha_of_invention_2.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/671

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Bridge To The Future"
August 6, 1991 was the day the web went public around the world, but equally momentously, it was the day that bridge trolls collectively shifted from harassing road travelers to harassing Information Superhighway surfers.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/bridge_to_the_future.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/670
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Bridge To The Future"

August 6, 1991 was the day the web went public around the world, but equally momentously, it was the day that bridge trolls collectively shifted from harassing road travelers to harassing Information Superhighway surfers.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/bridge_to_the_future.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/670

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Personal Ads"
Google knows where you’ve been, but Facebook knows what you’ll be doing at midnight two Wednesdays from now in your ex’s backyard with that hacksaw which you “borrowed” from the construction site on your way to work the day after you first contemplated moving back home to rediscover the youthful enthusiasm that sadly got lost somewhere between your first job and latest heartbreak.
Google is SO jealous.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/personal_ads.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/669
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Personal Ads"

Google knows where you’ve been, but Facebook knows what you’ll be doing at midnight two Wednesdays from now in your ex’s backyard with that hacksaw which you “borrowed” from the construction site on your way to work the day after you first contemplated moving back home to rediscover the youthful enthusiasm that sadly got lost somewhere between your first job and latest heartbreak.

Google is SO jealous.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/personal_ads.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/669

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Slurred Speech #4"
The actual exact moment when racism ended can be pinpointed to 2:52:47 GMT at a Starbucks in downtown Istanbul when a Mr. Diego Whitmore called a Ms. Lavonda Chang a “gookspook.”
The ensuing giggling swept through the entire city, country, then world in a wondrous tidal wave of social harmony and united enlightenment.
It lasted about a couple months.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/slurred_speech_4.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/668
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Slurred Speech #4"

The actual exact moment when racism ended can be pinpointed to 2:52:47 GMT at a Starbucks in downtown Istanbul when a Mr. Diego Whitmore called a Ms. Lavonda Chang a “gookspook.”

The ensuing giggling swept through the entire city, country, then world in a wondrous tidal wave of social harmony and united enlightenment.

It lasted about a couple months.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/slurred_speech_4.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/668

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Repressed Memories"
The memory-foam cushion eventually recovered from its trauma, but sadly relapsed as soon as it returned home — on its therapist’s chair.
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/repressed_memories.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/667
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Repressed Memories"

The memory-foam cushion eventually recovered from its trauma, but sadly relapsed as soon as it returned home — on its therapist’s chair.

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/repressed_memories.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/667

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Epic Failsafe"
"Stupid shark, didn’t your parents teach you any manners? Don’t talk with your mouth full — of me."
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/epic_failsafe.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/666
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Epic Failsafe"

"Stupid shark, didn’t your parents teach you any manners? Don’t talk with your mouth full — of me."

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/epic_failsafe.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/666

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Phoneme Depot"
A phoneme is like the smallest Lego piece that a language is made of. And Home Depot stores are notorious as places for hiring Mexican aliens as day laborers. So maybe instead of “Q,” “X,” and “Z,” it should be the Spanish digraphs “ch” and “ll,” and the letter “n” with the squiggly tilde on top.
(Though, the last I heard, after getting officially fired from the Spanish alphabet, “ch” is now fully employed working for Chipotle.)
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/phoneme_depot.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/665
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Phoneme Depot"

A phoneme is like the smallest Lego piece that a language is made of. And Home Depot stores are notorious as places for hiring Mexican aliens as day laborers. So maybe instead of “Q,” “X,” and “Z,” it should be the Spanish digraphs “ch” and “ll,” and the letter “n” with the squiggly tilde on top.

(Though, the last I heard, after getting officially fired from the Spanish alphabet, “ch” is now fully employed working for Chipotle.)

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/phoneme_depot.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/665

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Teenage Mutants"
Teenage Mutant: “He-sushi-ma? WTF is that??”
______________________________________________________________
Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/teenage_mutants.jpg
Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/664
 Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive
Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter

"Teenage Mutants"

Teenage Mutant: “He-sushi-ma? WTF is that??”

______________________________________________________________

Image: http://schizmatic.com/files/teenage_mutants.jpg

Page: http://schizmatic.com/comics/664

icon Schizmatic: A Webcomic Of Intelligent Weirdness - Store - Archive

Like on Facebook, Follow on Twitter